The 400lb Gorilla On the Bed

“I think it’s kind of fun. People get a real-time, behind-the-scenes look at what I was emailing about and what I was communicating about.”  – Hillary Clinton, July 2015


This is not an article about Harambe; though it will definitely involve someone dying soon, considering the people involved.

As you may have heard, FBI Director James Comey told Congress that he was reopening the Hillary Clinton email investigation. This is unprecedented, and sharply diverges from the DOJ practice of not publicizing the status of investigations until they are complete.

Comey notified Congress for two reasons. First, he promised them in September he would provide an update if the FBI obtained any new evidence, and there is a lot of new evidence. It appears the laptop of Anthony Wiener (which was confiscated for an entirely different case) includes thousands of relevant emails by his estranged wife, Huma Abedin, who was Clinton’s deputy at the State Department. This doesn’t even include the Clinton emails that the NSA might be able to recover…but more on that later.

Second, Comey said the American people deserve to know that a reinvestigation of a Presidential candidate is under way. This is admirable on its surface, but could also be a distraction. After doing everything by the book in the first investigation, why would an FBI Director kick policy to the curb for the sake of patriotism two weeks before a Presidential election?

It’s so strange, in fact, that a Rush Limbaugh caller yesterday was convinced that this is the Obama Administration’s way of throwing Hillary under the bus to avoid a late term scandal. The timing for a scapegoat is appropriate, since it became clear last week that Obama knew Hillary was using her private email for official correspondence before it went public (meaning he lied in a CBS interview in March 2015).

We won’t know exactly what Wiener’s laptop includes until the investigation is over, but as I mentioned above, that’s not the only new evidence that could be used in Hillary’s email case. That other information could be sitting on a server in Utah.

Let me explain.


Who hacked Podesta?

In the first Presidential debate, Donald Trump said something that probably made a lot of people laugh. He’s done that quite a bit this election, but this particular comment was special in hindsight:

She’s saying Russia, Russia, Russia. But I don’t—maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?

Trump was responding to Hillary Clinton’s accusations that Russia had hacked her campaign chairman’s private emails and sent them to Wikileaks, which is funny, because the most recent Wikileaks dump shows that the chairman, John Podesta, actually may have clicked on a phishing scam and provided hackers with his password. Any decent hacker could have written that phishing program.

Even so, Clinton lied on stage in the third debate, saying that 17 American intelligence agencies confirmed that it was Russia doing the hacking and feeding these emails to Wikileaks, when only 2 agencies had even released statements on the situation, and even they weren’t sure who was responsible.

But notice how Trump stopped himself short of saying that he doesn’t…something. He was probably about to say one of two things: 1) he didn’t think it was Russia, or 2) he didn’t know.

Even if he did know who hacked Podesta, Trump couldn’t say so on national television, because that might implicate him in Hillary’s email scandal. What could Trump gain by arguing about who the hacker was? That would only feed into Hillary’s shell game. The point Trump wanted to make was that private emails are hackable by anyone with an internet connection, and it could be a government or a civilian.

When Trump stated that it could also be China or a 400lb guy on his bed, he was opening up two new possibilities, one feasible suspect and another downright comical one. A few publications attacked Trump for body-shaming gamers and hackers, but recent evidence suggests that he might not have been joking…

In fact, the evidence brings Hillary’s email scandal beautifully full circle.


Who is Kim Dotcom?

According to Voat user HungryCrow, Kim Dotcom is a 385lb hacktivist who frequently works from his bed.

Do I have your attention now?

He’s a German-Finnish Internet celebrity and businessman living in New Zealand, who has been accused of various high-tech crimes. His New Zealand home was raided by police after his very popular file sharing website, Megaupload, was seized and shuttered by the US Department of Justice in 2012. Three years later, extradition proceedings were filed by US authorities attempting to bring him stateside for prosecution. The signature on the extradition? Hillary Clinton.

Kim has never gotten along with the American government. A 2013 white paper by his attorneys goes into great detail on the Obama Administration’s connection to the BigMedia lobby, particularly major Hollywood studios. The timing of everything in the white paper is the most suspicious part, and appears to validate Kim’s belief that Obama, Biden, and Clinton went after Megaupload at the behest of Hollywood lobbyists in order to get reelected.

For example, Chris Dodd, a former Democratic senator from Connecticut and current Chairman/CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America, threatened to cut Obama off in 2012 if he sided with tech companies on some major copyright legislation. That was January 19, 2012, the same day the US Department of Justice seized the domain names and closed down all sites associated with Megaupload.

From the white paper:

The MPAA also took the unusual step of lobbying U.S. law enforcement agencies directly, including the Department of Justice, the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security, all of which would later play direct roles in the investigation, arrest, seizure and prosecution of Megaupload and Kim Dotcom.

So, Kim’s frustrations with Obama & Friends were founded mainly in the corruption of the political process, which is also why millions of Americans are frustrated with Clinton et al. To say that Kim held a grudge against the entire administration would be an understatement.


How did he get the emails?

Well, he likely didn’t, at least not first-hand.

A lot of people are saying that he’s the hacker, but he’s said himself that he didn’t hack anyone. Besides, she deleted all of her emails, and got her staff to BleachBit all her systems, so “hacking” them at this point would be impossible.

However, Kim does bring some value in popularizing the source of Hilary’s deleted emails. He knows that if she was using a private server at any time, all those emails were being stored by the NSA on XKeyscore, a massive 24/7 cyber database that basically serves as the NSA’s internal Google.

We’ve known about XKeyscore for a while now. Hell, if you applied for .Gov jobs in cyber security throughout the 2000s you probably came across the name, and some LinkedIn users even posted it to their public profiles. However, it was Edward Snowden’s interviews in July 2013 that revealed the program as a massive international spying mainframe that records all manner of transferable data.

From Snowden:

You could read anyone’s email in the world, anybody you’ve got an email address for. Any website: You can watch traffic to and from it. Any computer that an individual sits at: You can watch it. Any laptop that you’re tracking: you can follow it as it moves from place to place throughout the world. It’s a one-stop-shop for access to the NSA’s information.

So, while Kim probably didn’t hack Clinton, he did know where her emails would be stored. My biggest question here is why the hell are we just now recognizing XKeyscore as a means to an end? If Snowden told us that all emails were stored there in 2013, why didn’t someone bring it up when the FBI were investigating the first time?

Did it really take a 400lb guy in his bed to alert us to this? In a tweet on Oct 26, Kim said he knew how to get to all of Hillary’s emails over the past 7 years, legally (i.e. not hacked). To do so, a member of congress simply has to ask the director of the NSA to input a very specific server address into XKeyscore and read the results. Voila. All 33,000 deleted Clinton emails at your fingertips.

Kim’s contribution can be debated, and while a lot of people think he’s the hacker there are also a lot of people who think he’s full of shit. Either way, Comey’s reopening of the investigation has broken message boards all over the internet, and there’s no doubt in my mind that the Clinton campaign is in severe crisis mode. They’ve allegedly cancelled campaign events in three swing states (FL, OH, and NC) in order to focus on states where she’s lost ground (PA, NH, VA, and MI). Those states are getting cold, so let’s hope her pneumonia doesn’t come back again.



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